Personal Pursuit?
Am I trying to 'find myself'? Am I 'soul searching'? It seems that life's journeys are all about playing Hide n Seek with one's souls and self. "I'm searching for my soul", "I'm finding my self." Yes, I purposely separated “myself” into 'my' and 'self'. The self, at least I view it as such, is a thing I have, able to be changed, vulnerable to damage, and without insurance. My self is in ceaseless need of help and repair. My self is prideful and in want of more. More everything. My self is sad, pathetic, and was lost, apparently. I found my self these past few years. I didn't know what do to with me, my self was so forlorn and... solemn. I added a little spice in my self's life. It helped a little, I think. My self is doing better now. Its not perfect yet, but its doing a lot better, thanks for asking. Am I still out to find my self? No, my self is found, it just needs a little growing up, that's all. Which therefore leaves us with “soul searching.” “Soul searching” according to thefreedictionary.com online is “a penetrating examination of one's motives, convictions, and attitudes.”
Why do people need to search for their souls, or rather, their selves? Everyone is trying to find themselves in a loud violent world. Is it because that we as a culture put on such a facade and hide from everyone else that we in turn forget who we are personally? Kindergartens learn to 'be yourself 'and share. Well, as adults we learn its just as hard to share as it is to be who we are. I've met too many fake people to not be cynical. Why can't we all be who we really are? To not hide our motives, convictions, and attitudes?
For 'self seeking' or 'soul searching', other definitions include words like 'examination' or even better 'honest examination' as well as 'consideration' and 'analysis.' I attribute 'examination' with tests. And final exams can be difficult. Tests can really question and prove and test (for lack of a better word) that you know what you know.
An 'honest examination' sounds brutal. A penetrating exam to see if your thoughts are true. A questioning test with purpose of proving that you are on the right path.
'Examination' is a good word while 'consideration' sounds too nice. I've always considered myself as a considerate person. Consider all the times that you could have done something good for mankind or even one man or woman. I have not always done it but considering the circumstances at the time, I doubt you could always blame me. To consider one's life... I take it to mean to simply step back and review it.
'Analysis.' This might be the best adjective. The very premise of the term invokes descriptive investigation. I also looked 'analysis' up on the tech-savvy world wide web. It means to take apart. Breaking it down into the most basic elements. 'Self analysis' is also a popular web search. So if analysis means taking apart or breaking down, self analysis must mean taking apart yourself and viewing your life. Does your life need analysis, an investigation? If you break down all the craziness into its most basic elements, is your life worthy of consideration or examination? Consideration or examination of what? We must put under analysis three things.
Motives, convictions, and attitudes. Three things that affect our daily lives. 'Motive' is overheard as the reason he killed him, or he stole that. Motive is why Sally hit Monique. Of course it wasn't for nothing. Monique said something mean to Sally and hurt her feelings. So Sally said something back. Monique told Sally to shut up. So Sally hit her with a tire iron. Too bad they're boss could care less what they do during their lunch break as long as their customer service rating is unaffected. But motive for life? What moves you? What compels you to do what you do? That's motive.
If 'motives' cause one to do something, then 'convictions' set limits. 'Conviction' also can have a negative connotation. It comes right after words like “Jury finds” and “guilty.” Personal convictions, however, bring about uncomfortable questions about religion or politics. And why are they uncomfortable? Because we learned after kindergarten, somewhere in between fifth grade and high school, that to be oneself does not always bring about likeability. People don't always like others who are not like them. So if I said, for example, in 8th grade, hypothetically, that I don't like it when a classmate swears, he is obligated by society to laugh in my face. Strong convictions are not always liked. Weak convictions are not always liked. I've seen students have the most friends when they don't talk about convictions. Why is it so hard to talk about personal convictions? For fear of not having the quality of likeability.
Attitude. Attitude determines altitude. My pilot roommate had to explain to me this one. Attitude is the direction, or angle, of where the jet is going (up or down). Altitude is, obviously, how high up the jet is. Where you are going has an effect on where you will be. Can I have a big round of “DUH” from the audience? This attitude is another word sadly associated with the bad crowd of antagonists in the student's mind. “Change your attitude!” “Watch your attitude!” “You have an attitude problem!” and the ever famous “Are you getting an attitude with me?!” The brats that populate the school system almost always have bad attitudes. If nothing changes, their attitude will bring down their altitude, resulting in a burning pile of wreckage of a plane that could have soared above the clouds. We are all able to fly, but first we must lift ourselves up and adjust our attitude. Constantly, our attitudes are bad, downwards, aimed for disaster. A good attitude can change a lot but more than anything else, it can change the future.
Now that I know what 'soul searching' is, I can ask “am I doing it by going to Europe?” What can Europe possibly hold in the tools of scholarly resources? I have a big exam coming up, correct? I need to study before I can answer the questions. What questions? Questions about my life, what motivates me, what are my personal convictions, do I have a good attitude? OK, so what should I study? My life. I need to consider my past, my present, and my potential future.
I do not believe that going to Prague or Europe or seeing the world will answer any question directly. But going abroad will better provide me with the motivation to live a full life. I believe I need this trip or I just may go crazy. I will aim high and, Lord willing, fly above the clouds to a different land to experience and live.
Why do people need to search for their souls, or rather, their selves? Everyone is trying to find themselves in a loud violent world. Is it because that we as a culture put on such a facade and hide from everyone else that we in turn forget who we are personally? Kindergartens learn to 'be yourself 'and share. Well, as adults we learn its just as hard to share as it is to be who we are. I've met too many fake people to not be cynical. Why can't we all be who we really are? To not hide our motives, convictions, and attitudes?
For 'self seeking' or 'soul searching', other definitions include words like 'examination' or even better 'honest examination' as well as 'consideration' and 'analysis.' I attribute 'examination' with tests. And final exams can be difficult. Tests can really question and prove and test (for lack of a better word) that you know what you know.
An 'honest examination' sounds brutal. A penetrating exam to see if your thoughts are true. A questioning test with purpose of proving that you are on the right path.
'Examination' is a good word while 'consideration' sounds too nice. I've always considered myself as a considerate person. Consider all the times that you could have done something good for mankind or even one man or woman. I have not always done it but considering the circumstances at the time, I doubt you could always blame me. To consider one's life... I take it to mean to simply step back and review it.
'Analysis.' This might be the best adjective. The very premise of the term invokes descriptive investigation. I also looked 'analysis' up on the tech-savvy world wide web. It means to take apart. Breaking it down into the most basic elements. 'Self analysis' is also a popular web search. So if analysis means taking apart or breaking down, self analysis must mean taking apart yourself and viewing your life. Does your life need analysis, an investigation? If you break down all the craziness into its most basic elements, is your life worthy of consideration or examination? Consideration or examination of what? We must put under analysis three things.
Motives, convictions, and attitudes. Three things that affect our daily lives. 'Motive' is overheard as the reason he killed him, or he stole that. Motive is why Sally hit Monique. Of course it wasn't for nothing. Monique said something mean to Sally and hurt her feelings. So Sally said something back. Monique told Sally to shut up. So Sally hit her with a tire iron. Too bad they're boss could care less what they do during their lunch break as long as their customer service rating is unaffected. But motive for life? What moves you? What compels you to do what you do? That's motive.
If 'motives' cause one to do something, then 'convictions' set limits. 'Conviction' also can have a negative connotation. It comes right after words like “Jury finds” and “guilty.” Personal convictions, however, bring about uncomfortable questions about religion or politics. And why are they uncomfortable? Because we learned after kindergarten, somewhere in between fifth grade and high school, that to be oneself does not always bring about likeability. People don't always like others who are not like them. So if I said, for example, in 8th grade, hypothetically, that I don't like it when a classmate swears, he is obligated by society to laugh in my face. Strong convictions are not always liked. Weak convictions are not always liked. I've seen students have the most friends when they don't talk about convictions. Why is it so hard to talk about personal convictions? For fear of not having the quality of likeability.
Attitude. Attitude determines altitude. My pilot roommate had to explain to me this one. Attitude is the direction, or angle, of where the jet is going (up or down). Altitude is, obviously, how high up the jet is. Where you are going has an effect on where you will be. Can I have a big round of “DUH” from the audience? This attitude is another word sadly associated with the bad crowd of antagonists in the student's mind. “Change your attitude!” “Watch your attitude!” “You have an attitude problem!” and the ever famous “Are you getting an attitude with me?!” The brats that populate the school system almost always have bad attitudes. If nothing changes, their attitude will bring down their altitude, resulting in a burning pile of wreckage of a plane that could have soared above the clouds. We are all able to fly, but first we must lift ourselves up and adjust our attitude. Constantly, our attitudes are bad, downwards, aimed for disaster. A good attitude can change a lot but more than anything else, it can change the future.
Now that I know what 'soul searching' is, I can ask “am I doing it by going to Europe?” What can Europe possibly hold in the tools of scholarly resources? I have a big exam coming up, correct? I need to study before I can answer the questions. What questions? Questions about my life, what motivates me, what are my personal convictions, do I have a good attitude? OK, so what should I study? My life. I need to consider my past, my present, and my potential future.
I do not believe that going to Prague or Europe or seeing the world will answer any question directly. But going abroad will better provide me with the motivation to live a full life. I believe I need this trip or I just may go crazy. I will aim high and, Lord willing, fly above the clouds to a different land to experience and live.
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